Friday, December 02, 2005

Cosmic Confusion

When I was about six years old, I had a stuffed dog named Company. This rather unusual christening arose my from my somewhat naive misconception that the dog in the Disney movie Oliver and Company was actually named "Company" - which I think is a thoroughly rational assumption, but which has subjected to me to cruel and ceaseless mockery over the years.

In point of fact:

  • I was convinced for years that the song "Baby Got Back" must be about a reunited redneck couple.
  • "Light My Fire", was, of course, about a guy who was cold and wanted his girlfriend to build a fire in the fireplace to warm him up.
  • I could never manage to figure out why the oldie "Bad Moon Rising" (Don't go out tonight / It's bound to take your life / There's a bad moon on the rise) contained the lyric "There's a bathroom on the right". Why was the bathroom so darned scary that it was bound to take his life? I don't know, but I can tell you it gave me a severe phobia of restrooms for many years.
  • Then of course there was the whole debacle with the song "Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good", which I was convinced was instead "Something Tells Me I'm in the Neighborhood." For many years, its lyrics perplexed me greatly. Whose neighborhood? And why? Was it something like that flaky song "On the Street Where You Live" that the wussy guy in My Fair Lady sings? Or had the guy suffered a blow to the head and amnesia such that he didn't remember where she lived anymore?
  • Oh, and would you believe the Wicked Witch of the West's first name is not Ding-Dong?
  • And don't even get me started on how baffled I always was about why we pledge allegiance to the republic for Richard Stanz. Was he one of the founding fathers? A buddy of Jefferson's? The world may never know.

...Interpersonal communication is a funny, funny thing.